Linksplosion

While I'm writing on the books, here a linksplosion of fresh content for your week.  Enjoy!

My favorite commercials on TV right now:

Volkswagon always has top-notch ads.  I love them all.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjTQV6CjAPE[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4gNw48GJf8[/youtube]

And this sprint ad is perfectly cast.  Also, I love KD and his backpack.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvypu0AHM8A[/youtube]

On Parenting:

On fatherhood, humility, and perfectionsim:  "Great Kids Have Parents Who Seem To Do This Well"

Ever wondered what infertility is like from a man's perspective?  My friend Amanda's husband speaks out.  Applause for brave, honest men.  "Infertility From The Husband's Perspective"

THIS. YES.  A hilarious must-read for new parents.  "I went on Amazon and bought all the top books on baby sleep..."

I fight tooth and nail to show my children grace.   Grace is greater than fear, grace endears their hearts to me.  Grace shows them Jesus, and the gospel.   This was a timely reminder in my fight to be a gracious, Christ-like mother.  "Childish vs. Sinful"

I loved this because I was not a baby-person.  I was the "Do you want to hold my baby?" "NOPE!"  And now, with a soon-to-be-kindergartener, I still don't want to babysit children over the age of 1.  Ironically, as a parent, I've felt quite a bit of hurt and coldness from people just like me - people who don't much like other people's kids.  A great article in light of our increasingly child-intolerant society.  "Other Peoples Kids"

This was all over last week, and it's a good word  on how social media takes popularity and the comparison game to the next level.  Our sweet teenagers and their hearts - what a world they live in.   "A Word about Instagram"

I share this because I just had a baby, and it is so, so legit.  I know breastfeeding is great for baby and whatever, but I do it because 1: it's free and 2: it burns 500 calories a day.  This lady knows whats up.  "10 (Mildly Shallow) Reasons To Breastfeed"

On Faith & Culture:

This article is so precious to me.  I fall somewhere in the middle ground, never having had many of these thoughts (or experiences) personally, but the pressures are real, and several of her objections could have come straight out of my own brain. I'm so thankful to Mary for sharing this perspective.  "I'm Sick of Hearing About Your Smokin' Hot Wife"

As a super-churched kid in high school and college  (by my own insistence), I adored this.  "The Most Oppressive Bible Verse That Never Was." 

This resonated with me because it told my story.  I am pro-life in an impassioned, unashamed way - except for that I'm reluctant to associate with the movement in any way, and I only discuss it in face-to-face conversations with friends.  Here's why.  "Does The Pro-Life Movement Need A New Strategy?"

This sparked my interest because LU is my alma matter.  It is a beautiful read and an accurate representation of my experience there.  (It echoes the heart of The Unlikely Disciple, which is an account of a student at (the very liberal, Ivy league) Brown University going "undercover" for a semester at Jerry Falwell's "Bible Bootcamp."  Talk about a social experiment.  I can't recommend it highly enough.)  "Being Gay at Jerry Falwell's University"

My runner-friend Dana wrote about the Boston bombing beautifully.  "The Day I Didn't Run Boston"

On Writing:

This week-long "Writers Boot Camp" from Margaret Feinberg was just fantastic.  It encouraged and inspired me, but mostly, it put me in my place.  It buckled me down and forced pen to paper.  Her experience and advice is valuable.  Day One starts here: "Writers Boot Camp Week: Why I Hate Talking About Writing."

A fun read on famous writers and their writing habits.  Fascinating to read about some of my favorites.  "The Daily Routines of Famous Writers"

 Sites Worth Visiting:

This made me laugh.  I'm a "flightless bird" after about 3 minutes.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGojEyYBmwc[/youtube]

This is an excellent supplement to Awkward Family Photos.  Self-proclaimed professionals.  YIKES.  "You Are Not A Photographer."

I love, love this.  Beautiful words, beautifully written.  "The Year of Lettering."

And if there is any chance you haven't seen this (which would mean you haven't been on the internet in a week), you must.  A social experiment: "You Are More Beautiful Than You Think"

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk[/youtube]

And this, from Francis Chan.  So simple it hurts.

[vimeo]https://vimeo.com/63405255[/vimeo]

Me Other Places:

I answered a few questions about writing and my road to publishing last week on my friend, Christine's, "Everyday Author" series.  There are three posts that start here: "Everyday Authors: Meet Kate"

My friend, Amanda, wrote a post about what to write in a sympathy card, and I weighed in on what was and wasn't helpful for me during a time of sadness.  "What To Write In a Sympathy Card"

My friend, Aliesha, is doing a fanstastic series on hospitality.  I LOVE entertaining, having a home full of people, drop-ins (when I'm wearing a bra), and feeding people.  Unfortunately I hate cooking.  In this quick post Aliesha shares ways to practice hospitality without serving meals.In it she shares one of my go-to recipes from my "Woman vs. Kitchen" series.    "Showing Hospitality When You Hate to Cook"

Mommy Is Beautiful

My son, Sam, is learning to talk.

Instead of leading with

" Can you say, 'baby?'  Buh.  Buh.  BAY-BEE???"

I'm taking a less traditional approach.  I'm leading with,

"Can you say, 'Mommy is beautiful?'  Mommy is BEA-U-TI-FUL."

Because, first of all, why not?  Am I right?

But beyond the obvious perks of this being my son's first sentence, there is some very intentional brainwashing training going on over here - some world-view-shaping, if you will.

I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I am aware that when my kids are teenagers, their culture (by "culture" I mean the voices in their media, music, friends, and hormones) will undermine me, the parent, at every turn.  

I know this because it was true for my parents' generation, for my generation, and it will continue to be true when my babies turn 12 (even though this is never going to happen because they are going to start heeding my instruction and stop growing).  I will be the most embarrassing breed of parent: the stay-at-home mom.  And this is my determination:  I will not add fuel to that fire by planting "Mommy is a mess" seeds in their heads at this tender age. How unfortunate that insecurity prompts so many mothers to shoot themselves in the feet in this way!  

Not I.  I will see to it that my children grow up hearing that their mom is a smart, capable, skillful woman.

I will never forget the day that I sat across from a fellow mom as we waited to pick our kids up from school.  At the time, Madeline was my only child, and I was vain and stupid.  I thought that I was hot stuff because I was wearing real, daytime clothes and makeup, unlike so many of the other stay-at-home moms in the pick-up line.  As I chatted with this mom, I discovered she had 3 kids, all under the age of 4.  During the course of our conversation, she said off-handedly,

"I could do one child blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back."

I remember sitting in awe of her.  I had one kid, and on most days I felt like it would kill me.  I thought, "I could never do what you do."  And I was right; at the time, I couldn't have.  Why?  Because she was a pro and I was a novice.  Because she had skills - time management, people-management, and manual skills - that I hadn't yet acquired.

There is physical skill involved in all-day, every-day parenting.  There is muscle memory.  Strategy.  Method.  Rhythm.

Now that I have three of my own, I get it.  One kid is hard, it is.  (See here.)  But now I can say that I could handle one kid blindfolded and with one hand tied behind my back.  Because I've logged 48,212 hours of this stay-at-home mom gig; I'm a professional.

THIS is why I'm changing the dialogue around here.  Because my yoga pants are not indicative of "letting myself go;" they are my uniform.  Perhaps I'm a weird mix of idealist and feminist that, funnily enough, operates within the conventional female gender role - but it's important to me that my kids see my yoga pants as a sign of expertise, which is quite the opposite of letting oneself go.  I want them to know that just as my role isn't lesser than a business woman's (or a business man's), neither are my skills.  Neither is my beauty.  

I am not a mess.  I am a professional mom - a beautiful one.  

The words we label ourselves with matter; they stick.  I do my best to frame myself (with attitude and words) as a skillful woman that deserves admiration for the food particles on her clothing, not consternation.

When Madeline asks me why I'm "not in my daytime clothes yet," I do not say (under my breath or any other way), "Mommy is tired," "Mommy is busy," "Mommy is a hot mess," or "Mommy has let herself go."  I say, "Because I am a great Mommy, and sometimes I work so hard that I don't have time to change clothes."

If she asks how I know what worms eat, or how to sing that lullaby in French, or how I know what she was about to say even before she said it, I say, "I am very smart.  Mommy went to school for a long time and Mommy is a very smart lady."

If, as we stand in front of the mirror, she asks why I have stretch marks on my belly, I tell her, "Because Mommy's body grew THREE WHOLE BABIES in there.  It was hard work for my body, my skin GREW (whoa!), but I did it.  Pretty cool, huh?"  And you know what?  It is.

I am not a perfect mother; there are a lot of things that I don't do, can't do, or try to do and fail impressively.  But I am a darn good mother, a professional mother.  So in this house, Mommy isn't tired, haggard, old, frumpy, frazzled, out-of-touch, or a mess.  In this house, Mommy is beautiful.

Just ask Sam. :)

How I Made Peace With Instagram

I used to be intimidated by Instagram.

Truth be told, I felt like I wasn't quite hipster enough for it, like Instagram would judge me for loving my trouser jeans as much as my skinnies.   I mean, I JUST got an iPhone a few months ago.  The first version...that came out in 2007...it was 99¢.

Add to my preexisting insecurities the "Instagram purists."  You know them, the people who snub users that photograph three subjects and three subjects only:

1. Their food. 2. The weather. 3. Their kids.

I'm a stay-at-home mom who sits on her butt and writes in her spare time; what the heck else am I supposed to photograph?

But in recent months I've made peace with Instagram.  Moreover, I love it. I don't love Instagram because of what I can create, or even share.

I love it because of what I can preserve.

I don't make art with my Instagram account, or create images that go viral.  But yesterday, I took this picture of Sam.

We were sitting in the car pool lane, waiting to collect Madeline from school, and when I said,

"Hey Sammer, are you ready to get Madeline?"  

(still a man of very few words), he responded,

"Ma-line!  Yaaaay!"

This picture, were it not for Instagram, would not exist.  I now have, not a Christmas picture, vacation picture, or even a Sunday morning picture, but a "sitting in the car seat on a Monday" picture that captures just how happy he is when we pick up his big sister, his best buddy, his play mate.

My Instagram photos aren't all framers, but they are framer-in-my-hearters.  They are a collection of the small moments that tend to fall through the cracks of time.  In 10 years I will remember the car pool line, or at least remember having done it, but now I have this snapshot - the color of his car seat, his face, his cheeks.  It wasn't a camera-worthy moment, but it was a phone-camera-worthy moment, and I preserved it.

Just like I preserved Madeline and her princess tunnel.  Sam and the shadow puppets.  Madeline's 5-year-old heartbreak.  Henry, my bed buddy.

I'm crafting a nest of these tiny, would-be overlooked moments.  A place to snuggle up - to be comforted and warmed when my babies are grown and I can't remember this season perfectly enough (though I know it will never feel perfectly enough, I love it so).  I try never to sacrifice a moment for a picture, but I believe that Instagram is an excellent supplement to my fallible memory.  I recall the emotion, the smells, the love; Instagram recalls the lighting, the dimples.

And that's how I made peace with Instagram, or rather, why I did.  Because regardless of hipness, these precious faces, these moments, are worth preserving.

The Brow

"The Brow" is one of my favorite things about my son.  It is his way of communicating displeasure with anything and everything.  Say, meatloaf, for example: [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4pxzIuSrTg[/youtube]

"Sam, it's time to get in the car." Brow.

"Sam, let's change you." Brow.

"Sam, take a bite!" Brow.

"Sam, don't play in the cat food." Brow.

"Sam, don't climb up the bookshelf." BROW, you spoil-sport, BROW!

I love that face in all its forms.

Mother's Day Gift Guide

Attn: Husbands, Children, and People With Mothers, Mother's Day is upon us, and if your mama (or your baby mama) is anything like me, this is what she's hoping for.  You're welcome.

1.

A set of these napkins from printinggrounds on Etsy.

2.

This shirt from walk in love.

(or this one, or this one, or this one - so shiny!)

3.

This custom address stamp from Paper Sushi...

4.

...or these stickers from Erin Condren, if you're a committmentphobe.

5.

This laptop sleeve from Better Life Bags.

6.

This grumpy cat mug:

7.

A new pair of Rainbows:

8.

This journal from Knock Knock Stuff:

And you can't go wrong with flowers.  Even if your baby mama is nothing like me, she'll still love flowers with a heaping side of appreciation.  (And for crying out loud, don't let her cook.)