Proclamation

These thoughts have been chasing each other around my brain for a while now, and at first I thought they were about music. Then I thought they were about God.

But after allowing them to marinate for a bit, I realize that truth-telling is again the heart of the issue.  Truth-telling as it relates to music and God.

I'm going to back into it.  First, a confession.

I don't like Christian music. (If there is such a thing.  I kind of think that there are no "Christian" things; only Christian people.  And I adamantly believe that music - the measures and rests and notes - is neutral, I don't care who wrote it or why or what they think about Jesus or Buddha or Tom Cruise - it's music.   Words, obviously, can be Christ-exalting or not, but...BUNNY TRAIL!  Neither here nor there.)

I don't like "Christian" music.  I find 75% of it hokey, cheesy, and theologically incorrect, or at best shallow and self-centered.  I don't like "Christian" concerts - I don't like holding hands with strangers, kumbayah moments, or feeling pressured to dance like the uncoordinated white person I am while listening to songs about God.

Before you send that hate mail, youth groupie/Casting Crowns enthusiast, I'm not knocking it; I see that Christian music has value.  It can be encouraging, challenging, moving, even life-changing .  I'm glad it exists, but it's just not my favorite thing*.

*Exception:  Songs to God that lead me into truth-telling are absolutely my very favorite thing.

The about God/to God distinction is essential for me.  I tire of singing songs about God almost immediately because, who am I singing to?  Myself?  The people around me?  It doesn't take long for me to look around the room at a group of Christians singing at a stage to think "What is going on here?"

But I don't believe I've ever tired of singing to Him.

And yet, even among the "to God" prayerful, worshipful songs I have a favorite breed.  My heart beats fast, I bounce on my tip toes, and a insuppressible smile surfaces when I sing songs that contain within them a proclamation.

A bold, unapologetic declaration. A cry of the heart. When I can shout the truth forth from the tips of my toes.

Truth makes my heart soar.

I believe that truth is always best.  Emotions are good, thoughts are good, responses are good - but truth is best.

Telling the truth is best when you feel guilty and shameful.  Truth-telling takes the ton of bricks off your chest, the mask off your face, and shines light into the darkness, no matter how hard it might be. Truth says, "It's okay, you don't have to hide anymore."

Telling the truth is best when you are passionate.  When you stand and shout (literally, proverbially) to call attention to a cause.  Twisted truths can't win real followers, only deceived ones.  But the truth is nearly impossible to argue with logically.  There is a joy and excitement in announcing to the world something you know to be real, something that matters. 

Telling the truth is best in relationships.  To know and be known is the safest, most comfortable place.  Nothing can uproot love that is grounded in truth.  Truth sucks the power out of nasty surprises.

Come clean, have peace, live without fear, be known, be trustworthy, be confident.  The truth is solid ground to stand on.  The truth will set you free.

And so, when my heart speaks the truths of God directly to the heart of my Maker, Sustainer, and Lover of my soul through the gorgeous medium that is music?

Euphoric.

Psalm 107 says, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so."

Yeah, let's say it.

Psalm 145 says, "One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty— and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works— and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness."

Yeah, let's do that.  Let's proclaim the bigness, the greatness, the awesomeness of God. Let's sing of his sufficiency, rejoice in His character.  Let's magnify Him - make much of Him - make Him large in our minds and our lives.

Let's tell the truth about Him.  Not because He needs to hear it, but because we need to say it.

_____________________________________________________________

A few of my most favorite proclamations.  Would you be so encouraging as to share a few of yours?

"All of You is more than enough for/All of me/For every thirst and every need."  Yes.

"You are good, You are good/ When there's nothing good in me."  Yes.

"No brighter star has ever shined/No better hope for all mankind/No higher mind/No not one."  Yes.

"I am not the same!"  Yes.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

"You saved me, You saved me, You saved me! You alone can heal me.  You alone can save."  Yes.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

"I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive!"  Yes.  Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.

"My God is the God who provides."  Yes.

"It is well with my soul."  Yes.

"Thou changest not/Thy compassions they fail not./As Thou hast been/Thou forever will be."  YES.

And my two go-to nighttime songs for my kids, that they may know the truth:

"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me. He loves me so, He loves me so, He loves me so, He's so good to me. God answers prayers, God answers prayers, God answers prayers, He's so good to me."

And

"I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back, no turning back.

Though none go with me, I still will follow (3x) No turning back, no turning back."

Please Rephrase.

For Valentine's Day, Dan bought me refills for my favorite new toy - the Keurig - and a beautiful scarf made by former sex slaves who've been rescued out of the trafficking industry.  The money he paid for the scarf supports the women in their new jobs, giving them a hope and a future. After I opened my present, Dan and I had this conversation:

Dan:  "I'm glad you like it.  I wanted you to be able to have the coffee that you love and free slaves."

Kate:  "Free slaves?  Um, you maybe shouldn't phrase it like that ever again."

Dan:  "Yeah, good call."

Serious note:  Sex trafficking should nauseate and absolutely infuriate you.  Read about the company and the cause here.

The Quarterback Project

This is a post in which I systematically rank each NFL quarterback in terms of marry-ability.  I will judge 32 men almost baselessly (how their backsides look in their football pants will be taken into consideration), and determine which man I would like to spend my life with (should Dan ever die in a tragic school bus accident). It's not unlike The Bachelorette.

Back in October, when Bill Simmons picked the Giants to win over the Seahawks in week 5 (good call), he noted this in one of his posts:

Eli Manning's Husband Potential (+10.5) over Every Other NFL Starting QB Last Sunday, we were watching football when Sarah Larimer (Grantland's sports blog editor) was asked the question, "If you could marry one NFL QB, who would it be?" Without blinking, she responded, "Eli!"

Eli?????

We were dumbfounded and immediately demanded an explanation. Sarah quickly spouted out three reasons: he's handsome; he lives in New York (making a long-distance romance more realistic since L.A. to NYC is an easy flight); and most important, she loves that Eli is such a sensitive guy. Apparently, Archie Manning doted on Cooper and Peyton as kids, and poor Eli was left hanging out with his mom and learning how to be sensitive or something (as this 2008 New York Times feature covered). This left us even more dumbfounded, and once Sarah's Eli selection was quickly and vociferously backed up on e-mail by Grantland's Katie Baker, we were practically stupefied.

Forget about the fact that I will never look at Eli Manning again without thinking of him making Sarah a mixtape or standing outside Katie's apartment in the pouring rain holding a boom box over his head and blaring "In Your Eyes" for a second, or that the whole exchange inadvertently gave us a running Eli/Sarah joke for the rest of the season, and really, the rest of the decade. Here's my question to my 18 female readers out there: Do women really dig Eli Manning, or is it just a massive coincidence that our two-person sample size produced this result?  (source)

Dan and I laughed about it; then he turned to me and asked, "Who would you marry?"

My gut reaction was Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons.  Good looking guy, nice nick name (though not as cool as "The Law Firm"), doesn't have a hot head.  Seems unlikely to cheat on me, lives in a big city where it's warm.  Perfect teeth (seriously, they're like dentures; what the heck).

Dan  was not satisfied.  "Did you know Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard?"  "But wouldn't you like to live in Miami?"

It was at this point I decided a more in depth analysis was in order.  And thus, the Quarterback Project was born.

I began by listing all of the starting QBs by division, then defined the parameters of my husband search.

Location: Worth 25% of the final score.  I am operating under the assumption that if I were married to an NFL QB I would have the means to travel at will, so proximity to family and friends will not be taken into consideration. Proximity to the beach, OBVIOUSLY, will be.

Personality: Worth 40% of the final score.  My personality assessment is based on press conferences, interviews, articles, tweets, etc.  Needless to say Jay Cutler isn't going to fare very well in this department.

Sheer, unadulterated physical attractiveness:  25% of the final score.  Points are awarded for how the quarterback looks at present.  Some men have the unfair advantage of being 24 years old.  C'est la vie.

Je ne sais quoi:  10% of the final score.  This accounts for idiosyncrasies and/or "impressions" that turn me on or off for whatever reason.  i.e.  That Andy Dalton could give me red-headed children (turn on); That Tony Romo dated Jessica Simpson (turn off).

First I rated each man's location and physical attractiveness on a scale of 1-5.  One being unfortunate and five being delicious.  Here are the standings after the first round of quasi-baseless judgement.

 

Why is Miami a 2, you ask?  Because there are too many exotic-looking, voluptuous Puerto-Rican women in bikinis.  I'm Irish; I freckle.  That's why.

Why is Oakland a 5?  Because if I lived in Oakland I would REALLY live on Alameda Island.  That's why.

Why is Green Bay a 3?  Because I was born in WI and it feels like home turf.  And to cite Lydia from Seattle, "being in Wisconsin, you'll never have to worry about people thinking you're fat."  (source) That's wisdom right there.

Front runners: Tony Romo (what?), Alex Smith (what?), Mark Sanchez (that's more like it), Tim Tebow, and Philip Rivers.

Then I assigned points for personality and the intangible " je ne sais quoi" on a similar scale of 1-5.

1 - "You wear your hat backwards (and equally repulsive behavior)." 2 - "Eh." 3 - "You are not famous enough for me to know anything about you." 4 - "I like you." 5 - Exclusively reserved for Tim Tebow.

All four categories were tallied up and weighted, giving each QB a numerical score out of a perfect 50.  This is how it came out; without further ado I give you -

THE MOST MARRY-ABLE QUARTERBACKS IN THE NFL

1.  Tim Tebow            45  (Just like him to sneak up from behind with charisma for the win.)

2.  Mark Sanchez      41.5 (UPDATE: Since writing this post it has been brought to my attention [by A LOT of people using very colorful language] that Mark Sanchez is likely to cheat on me with Kim Kardashian or Kate Upton or a 16-year-old, making his ranking obsolete.  Thank you for your input, internet.)

3.  Eli Manning          37.5 Matt Ryan                   37.5 Drew Brees                 37.5 Alex Smith                 37.5  (A tad out of his league, I believe) 7.  Josh Freeman     32.5 Cam Newton              32.5 Carson Palmer          32.5 Matt Hasselbeck      32.5 11. Philip Rivers       32 12. Peyton Manning  30 Colt McCoy                   30 14. Aaron Rodgers     29.5 15. Tony Romo            29 Christian Ponder        29 Blaine Gabbert             29 18. Sam Bradford        28.5 19. Tarvaris Jackson  27.5 20. Rex Grossman       26.5 21. Ryan Fitzpatrick   26 Andy Dalton                  26 23.Michael Vick           25.5  (Worth noting that everyone from this point down has something about them that I find less attractive than having done hard time.) 24. Matt Schaub            24 Kevin Kolb                      24 26. Jay Cutler                 22.5 Tom Brady                      22.5 28. Matt Cassel              21.5 29. Chad Henne             20.5 30. Joe Flacco               19.0 31. Matt Stafford           18.0 32. Ben Roethlisberger 10.0

Surprises:  I can't say that I'm in absolute agreement with the numbers here.  Perhaps this is like the match.com version of quarterback dating - the guys at the top of the list may not be the same ones I'd pick out of a bar, but all things considered we'd be pretty compatible.

If I had gone with my gut I'd have bumped up Brady (whose superiority complex is mitigated by his intelligence, voice, and Ken-doll face), Fitzpatrick, Dalton, Bradford, and Rodgers.  I'd have bumped down Smith, Freeman, Palmer, and Gabbert.

I'm not a Tebow-maniac by any stretch, but neither am I opposed to him being on top.

Notable Pairings:  Jay Cutler and Tom Brady tying for 26th seems particularly fitting.  Cut from the same cloth, these two; they go together like a pair of Uggs.

Apparently Colt McCoy tying with Peyton Manning is hilarious to my husband.  This post is likely the only time their names will be mentioned in the same sentence.

What have we learned?

- One Eli Manning > Two Matt Staffords.

- One Mark Sanchez > Four Ben Roethlisbergers.

- U-Haul All Stars: If Ryan Fitzpatrick were traded from Buffalo to San Diego he would jump from 21st to 7th.  Christian Ponder would move from 15th to 3rd, and Sam Bradford would move from 18th to 7th.

- The NFC South is far and away the most eligible division: all 4 quarterbacks are in the top 10.

- The AFC North is the least attractive division: 3 of the 4 quarterbacks are in the bottom 10.

- Matt Stafford's hair and backwards hat is serious enough offense that it places him in the bottom tier with a meathead sex offender.  Sorry, alleged sex offender.

- When pursuing me in marriage, it's better to be a felon in Philly than to be superior in Massachusetts.

 In conclusion,

Ladies and gentlemen, what needs further consideration?  Who deserves a second glance?  Who deserves to be taken down a peg?  In the event that my husband ever dies in that tragic school bus accident, your input will be invaluable.

Observations from the Devoted Wife of an ESPN Addict (Sports Dopplegangers)

On Superbowl weekend, I thought it fitting to share a few well-thought out, analytical sports posts.  You should watch for me on ESPN's First Take, because I am confident that after Skip Bayless reads these shrewdly discerned observations (which he will), he will be requesting an appearance.  I mean, this is top notch investigative reporting. From the depths of the riches of my sports knowledge, accumulated over years of sitting next to my husband on the couch, I bring you -

Sports Dopplegangers of 2012

Alex Smith, quarterback for the 49ers, bears a striking resemblance to Ryan Gosling (thankfully).  I'm going to pause here and reflect on their likeness. You can go ahead without me.

In his most recent roster photo, Kevin Kolb looks a lot like Kevin Federline.  I'm no analyst, but I'm pretty sure this means he's never going to win a Superbowl.

Rob Jackson was the campus pastor at Liberty University when I attended.  If he and Steve Martin ever had a love child, it would look like Mike Smith, coach of the Atlanta Falcons.

In his spare time, Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is a brilliant diagnostician on House. (A widely known resemblance, but it's quite impossible to discuss look-alikes without including it.)

My Uncle Dave might be leading a double life as a poorly dressed, oversized-gray-hoodie-wearing football genius.  (He gave the camera that Belichick scowl all on his own.)

And while we're in Massachusetts, Tom Brady looks like a Ken doll.  Dresses like one, too. #Uggs

Another classic: Chris Bosh looks an Avatar. Especially when he had the dreads.

Oh my gosh, hide your kids.

And finally, Tim Lincecum looks like Snape, the wizard from Harry Potter.

 

Also, Cher.

 

The high percentage of NFL dopplegangers obviously reflects the time of year; perhaps by this summer I'll have accumulated some more deep thoughts on basketball and baseball.

Skip, I await your call.

Ladies, watch sports with your man.

A Plea For Honesty. And Grace.

Last week I read the Glennon Melton article that has been circulating around, and I'm so glad I did.  I laughed and "Can I get an Amen'ed" the whole way through it.  (If you haven't read it yet, it's called Don't Carpe Deim, and you should check it out. It's a quick, insightful read.) Here's a little excerpt:

Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments....They try because even though it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain...

I've said before that people who say "Oh, I wish mine were still that age!" must have blocked 98% of their memories of what it is like to actually live with a three-year-old.

At any rate, the more I read responses to this article (positive and negative), the more I got to thinking:

I am so absolutely for honesty regarding parenting.  I am anti-any sort of writing, speaking, or teaching that communicates that mothers should find wonder and fulfillment and a fount of everlasting joy in planning dinners and doing dishes.  Because that kind of teaching devastates women who don't.  It piles guilt and shame and frustration onto the shoulders of wives and mothers who think,

"I bet my husband wishes he had married someone more domestic.  I must not be a 'natural' mother.  I guess I'll never be a 'Proverbs 31' woman."

I am friends with some precious, precious women who really sincerely love baking their own bread, gardening, and cloth-diapering.  And that's great; but I don't - and I don't think I'm broken or jaded because of it.  I am no less of a wife or mother because I don't revel in homemaking.  You know what I revel in?  Jesus.  My husband.  My kids.  Writing.  Ministry.  That's what I revel in.  Homemaking, for me, is a means to an end, and to be honest, most days it doesn't bring me much joy.

My best friend, Megan, loves to cook; she is a gifted cook.  She has binders full of recipes, beautiful kitchen appliances, and a blog that I steal ideas from often.  She is warm and hospitable and she bakes things for people.  She is a gracious hostess and a master meal-planner-grocery-shopper.  When I'm discouraged, I feel envious of Megan - of the fact that after working all day she can come home and do all those domestic-y things so joyfully - I wish I could be that for my family.

But I am not Megan.

And that's okay.

It's taken me a while to be able to say that.  To peel off the layers of conservative Christian guilt.  To get the La Leche breastfeeding zealots out of my head.  To turn down the volume on books and blogs and comments and turn up the volume on "what Jesus tells Kate on a daily basis."  And what Jesus tells me is that there is more to homemaking than cooking and cleaning - this should be obvious, but let's follow this line of thinking for a minute.  If there is more to homemaking than cooking and cleaning (much more), then it is possible to be unenthusiastic about cooking and cleaning and still be successful at homemaking.

• I love cleaning (almost as much as my kids love un-cleaning).
• I'm great at organizing.
• I'm a peacemaker.  I am even-tempered, and I forgive easily (by the grace of God).  I manage household relationships well.
• I love being support staff for my husband.  I write, design, print, copy, promote.  I lead small groups, counsel girls, and entertain A LOT of teenagers at my house.  I plan for them, bake for them, drive them around, pray for them.
• I handle our kids - all the time.  I play with them, read to them, and spend the greater part of my day teaching them - they get the best of me.
• I am learning braille.

• I hate cooking.  And dishes.  I hate any any food-related task, besides eating.  I like that okay.  We've struck a delicate balance of me cooking, Dan cooking, freezer meals, and eating out.  It works for us.
• I use disposable diapers and store-bought baby food and formula.
• I dislike managing money.  Dan pays the bills.
• I cannot sew even a little bit.
• I do not clip coupons.
• I do not home school.  I don't ever want to.

When I talk about parenting here, I want to tell the truth.  I want to talk about the good parts without sounding fake.  I want to talk about the hard parts without complaining.

I want to be able to say, "This afternoon I sat on the couch for an hour and a half and read a novel while eating ice cream!" without having to defend myself, lest someone think me lazy.

I want to be able to say, "I want to duct tape Madeline's mouth shut!" without having to include a footnote about how I would never actually harm a child.

So here is my plea to mothers and to women everywhere.  It is a plea for honesty and acceptance.  It is a plea for a healthy identity and sense of self.  It is a plea to end defensiveness, guardedness and guilt, and to embrace encouragement and grace in their place.

Women - learn to be okay with who you are.  Own it.  Refuse to fake it.  Refuse to gloss over the rough parts of your life so that people will think you have it all together.  Reject the supposition that people are supposed to have it all together.  When you play perfect it only perpetuates the stereotype - the myth - of womanhood.  It perpetuates the ridiculous expectations that make you feel like you have to fake it in the first place.

And not all lies are "pretending-to-be-perfect" lies.  Some lies are "painting-an-overly-gloomy-scenario-in-an-attempt-to-garner-appreciation-or-pity" lies.  It's called attention-seeking behavior and it's no prettier in grown-ups than it is in children.  It's okay to love your job.  It's okay to enjoy yourself.  Being frustrated all the time doesn't make you more noble than anyone else.  So please, don't fake happy, but don't play the martyr either.  Just as there is no shame in not having it all together, neither is there any shame in being awesome.  If you are so domestic that you make Martha Stewart look like a cave man - own it, dude.

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "I have learned, but slowly I'm afraid, what it is to be in love with my destiny."  Oh that we could all learn to love our destinies!  To live with grace: unashamed of the good and bad alike.

And moms, can we please call a cease-fire and accept the fact that we are on. the same. team?

Stay-at-home moms, stop trying to convince everyone that your job is legit.  Anyone with half a brain knows that it is.  It's a non-stop, thankless string of days repeating everything you say 17 times and cleaning human feces out of your carpet - and you can't call in sick.  We understand that you've given up accolades, affirmation and adult interaction and are emotionally starved for any kind of validation.  We understand that you can work your arse off for a week and have literally nothing to show for it: no project, no PowerPoint, no paycheck, and we understand how futile that can feel. We are with you.  We are for you.

Working moms, stop trying to one-up stay-at-home moms by saying things like, "I do everything a stay-at-home mom does, and I have a job."  We know that you are exhausted and that you feel like you're doing it all by yourself.  We get that you would give anything to be able to come home and not have to keep going.  We get that when you're at work, you feel like you should be with your kids, and when you're with your kids, you feel like you should really be getting some work done.  We know how disheartening it is to think you can't do either thing well because you can't give up the other.  We are with you.  We are for you.

One is not harder than the other.  One is not better than the other.  So can we stop the vicious, cyclical guilt-tripping and all the attention-seeking behavior?  It's really quite ugly.

I think that we do immeasurable damage to our hearts and our souls when we invest so much time time trying to be heard and so little time practicing contentment and love.

Can we spend less time trying to convince ourselves that men "really do like curves" and more time learning to feel comfortable in our own skin?

Can we spend less time resenting all the lucky breaks that "successful" women receive and more time investing our own lives well?

If women would stop setting each other up for failure, we could put an end to all this defensiveness and insecurity, which gives women everywhere a bad rap.  Women are not insecure, overly emotional, defensive control-freaks.  We are not manipulative or mousy or weak.

Or at least, we don't have to be.

This is one of the reasons that being a Christian is so liberating.  I do not have to defend myself.  I am enough.  Jesus says so.

He says I can rest in Him.

He says he has prepared me for every job I'll ever have to do.

He says I am not alone.

He says I was created just-so and that it's okay to be me.  I don't have to be anyone else.

He says that if nobody else sees all the work I do, if no one else knows how hard it is or how often I hurt - He knows.

 Ultimate comfort, ultimate validation, ultimate peace.

What I really mean to say is this:  tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth.

Nobody wins when we don't.

"No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love." [Ephesians 4:14-15, The Message]