Birthday Boy

A year ago, we found this little guy and his three brothers in an old shed that Dan was tearing down.

I begged to keep him, and Dan's exact words were, "Whatever.  But if you keep it, it's YOUR CAT."  (Little did Dan know that he'd be changing the litter for 9 months because his wife was going to go and get all pregnant.)

I picked this particular guy because there were no girls and he looked the least likely to die.  (Yes, likeliness to die was my determining factor.  No worries, we took his brothers to the animal hospital.)

I named him Jasper.  He slept on a heating pad, and I fed him out of a bottle for a long time.

Then he grew up and got a little ornery.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGY1v1eoz8Q[/youtube]

His relationship with Dan is still strained.  He still beats Madeline up sometimes, but she's very forgiving.

He has tufts on his ears, tiger stripes on his legs, an M on his forehead, and lovely white eyeliner.   He's also huge.

I'm thankful for Jasper every day.  For those of you who don't like cats, allow me to explain.

He does not whine.  He does not throw temper tantrums. Unlike my toddler, he ALWAYS uses his toilet (okay, litter box) - always. I do not have to cook for him, and he's not a picky eater. He does not talk about sports, or church, or veggie tales. He does not ask questions. He does not leave his clothing/shoes/toys/mail/keys all over the house. He's tidy and quiet and he never, ever hurts my feelings. He follows me around from room to room, like a puppy, only he doesn't smell bad. He keeps himself impeccably clean, and he's the softest cat I've ever owned.

He just lays around looking cute and snuggly all the time.  And when everything in my world is crazy, I sneak into my bedroom, and bury my face in his downy white belly.  He just looks at me, and he lets me pet him, and he lowers my blood pressure.

And that is why I like my cat.  He's soft, and cute, and neat, and quiet, and he lowers my blood pressure.

Happy birthday, Jasper.  Thanks for keeping me sane.

Misbehavior

It is my belief that yesterday the planets aligned, and the gravitational pull of the moon was just so, that some force of mischievousness fell upon all the beings in my house.  Either that, or God thought, "Huh, it's been a few days since I had a good laugh at Kate." Incident #1.  I was sitting on my couch last night when Madeline walked over and handed me a throw pillow (from the other couch, because she cannot rest until everything in our home is uprooted and placed somewhere that it doesn't belong - like the floor, or the bathtub, or the black hole that is her Dora Kitchen.  Only God knows what is in that tiny pink refrigerator).

She plopped the pillow in my lap, and as I ran my hands over it, I felt...bumps.  Like hard little chunks of something underneath the pillowcase.  I opened it up and pulled out a piece of petrified something.  Then another.  Then another.  What ON EARTH?  Are they caramels?   No...they smell...rancid.   Oh no, oh no, oh no, OH NO!

IT'S A PIECE OF PORK CHOP!  FROM LAST WEEK!  I will spare you a picture, although I was tempted to document the evil genius of my 2-year-old.

I can picture the crime scene now:  We were all eating dinner in the living room.  (Why the living room, you ask?  Because of the blame puzzle. I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.  Plus, The Office was on.)

"Madeline, you must eat three more bites of pork chop before you are excused."

Madeline smirks, waits until nobody is looking , and slides three pieces up her sleeve.  She meanders over to the place on the floor where she has collected all of the throw pillows in the whole house.   She OPENS UP a pillow, and releases all three pieces of pork chop inside the pillow case.

EVIL GENIUS.  What happened to dropping it on the floor?  Or stuffing pockets?  Where does she get this stuff?

Incident #2.  We dropped Jasper off at the vet yesterday, to have his boy-parts removed.  It was...an ordeal.  When the vet tech tried to listen to his heart, Jasper began to flail all of his limbs spastically, like he was trying to fly away. Claws and fur everywhere.

When the vet came in to help, Jasper rolled onto his back, stuck out his claws, and started bicycle-kicking with all four limbs, making himself impossible to pick up.   They left the room and came back with a towel to wrap him up and restrain his kung-fu kitty limbs.  He hissed viciously and wriggled free.  Eventually, they had to take him out of the room, where THREE professionals held him down in his towel just to listen to his heartbeat.

I was so embarrassed.  In that moment it felt like he was my child who was throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store.  When everyone reentered the room I picked up my little buddy to comfort him a bit, and defend his honor.  He sniffed my nose and calmed down a little bit.  I said, "I promise, he's really a very pleasant cat at home."   As soon as the words left my lips, he betrayed me.  He SCRATCHED ME, ON THE FACE, leaving a big red claw mark across my cheek.

The vet just nodded.  I imagine she was thinking, "Sure, scarface, I bet he's very pleasant."

Ugh.

But you know what?  Dan behaved very well yesterday.

Pedestrian

I think that I will allow you into my inner circle for a moment; won't you enjoy the pedestrian details of my life with me? Welcome to Conner-world!  Land of  unfolded laundry, cracked out cats, and the ugliest gold curtains ever to be stitched into existence!

Exhibit #1.  Jasper is a real freak sometimes.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGY1v1eoz8Q[/youtube]

"Are you stuck buddy?"  "Yeeessss."

Exhibit #2.  She's her father's daughter.

Exhibit #3.  I found the following items in the bottom of the washer today.

ALL IN ONE LOAD.  So I didn't do so hot with my pocket-emptying this morning.  Earlier this year my iPod would have been pictured here.  And then the Holy Spirit came upon it in power and healed it.  Sometimes the menu button sticks a little bit, but I certainly can't hold it against the little guy after he survived an hour submerged in soapy water.  Oh, and a spin cycle.

Exhibit #4.  Today I told Dan, "I could really use some caffeine, but I don't want to go through the hassle of drinking a cup of coffee."   He responded by singing this song.  I caught the reference immediately, and that is why we love each other.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bflYjF90t7c[/youtube]

TELL ME you remember the caffeine pill episode!

Guess What

Check out this little black ball of fluff and warm-fuzzies.  Her name is Sadie.

Sadie Jane, Sadie Mae, Ladybug-Sadiebug.  And no, I'm not attached.  Where on earth would you get THAT idea?

A friend found her freezing to death under a porch, and brought her over last night.  It was almost enough to send Dan into a psychotic break.  That's all he needs, another cat. Or the reputation that his wife has turned this house into some kind of safe-haven for kittens everywhere.

I assured him that we would find little Sadie a good home (not ours) in the immediate future.  And so, like the SAINT that he is, Dan agreed to run to the store in the middle of the night for flea treatment.  He loves me an awful lot, but I think this trip was mostly to get out of the cat-house.   Because as soon as he got back, he retreated (locked himself in) to the bedroom.

Madeline, on the other hand, is smitten.  She is holding Sadie by the neck/jaw/hind legs and snuggling her saying, "Awwww, this kitty is sooooo sweet."   And I keep telling her,"Okay, thats enough."   Take it easy Lennie Small.

But funnier than Dan or Madeline's reactions - is Jasper's.  He can't decide if he wants to kiss her or eat her.  At times he's a very motherly, which is totally hilarious because we haven't had him fixed yet - so every now and then as he's snuggling her or bathing her or toting her around in his mouth, I get a glimpse of his junk  and laugh out loud, picturing him as a wonderfully gay cat-dad.

But when he's not busy nurturing his "young," he's playing with his new toy.  Batting at her and sending her frailness bouncing across the living room floor.  Or pinning her down on her back and poking at her gingerly with his paws.

Whether he's trying to snuggle her or pounce on her - he's always there - lurking.  In every photo, lurking.

Hilarious.

Well, our little Sadie Belle needs a happy home!  Any takers?   She's free, super-snuggly - and just in time for Halloween!!!